An all too Familiar Place (Journal Entry)

Depression. It’s a very familiar word for me. It is what has taken my life away, it has consumed about 75% of my life and 95% of my soul. Depression is returning and I am falling way too fast into the darkness and for once I think I know what’s pushed me into the dark wave. The thought of going back to the way things were, that feeling of alone.

I can’t and won’t feel that way again. I can no longer do it. I was stronger before. Day after day of being alone in my apartment, eating at the dinner table alone and spending many nights curled up crying on the bathroom floor cannot be apart of my post therapy days. I can’t handle that yet I can’t stop it. I can’t stop the panic attacks and I can’t stop myself from spiraling into this depression, I can’t possibly fall any deeper than where I am now.